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At long last [17 Dec 2004|03:14pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

Finally it feels like my life is back to a sense of normality. So much has gone on that i couln't- and dont know if i ever will- understand. But I feel happy with the way things have turned out. However I still feel a little unsafe and i would like that to go away, I hope it does soon as I really want things to work out for us. I think that getting my life in order will help with my own mental stability. Its stilll a while before i start my course but im planning on doing another one in between. Im dreading christmas as i dont have the money to buy the things that i want for the people that i love- who might i add really deserve the appreieciaton from me.
what to do?
what to do!!
I am really looking foward to this weekend- I know im not the only one who is in dire need of some crazy drunken fun! I hope it works out that way but as per usual im fucken poor again.
I cant wait to see my brother who will be home for christmas this is the longest ever that i havent seen him its been almost a year- too long me thinks, we have alot to catch up on.
I wonder if my life will ever be normal- do i even want my life to be normal? what the fuck is normal???

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i hate the rain [10 Oct 2004|12:51pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

weekend was good - too much boozin me thinks.
my birthday next weekend yay
more boozin to come i hope i get lots of presents.
gonna go sleep now
hmmm sleep and vids
my life is sooo good

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ouchhhh [07 Oct 2004|02:48pm]
[ mood | drained ]

went round to a friends for dinner last night, which was lovely, drank far too much nd had a wildly lewd time.remember bits and pieces some things id rather forget. but overall a wonderful night, one that i wont forget for a while...

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smugness [06 Oct 2004|09:32am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

my life is wonderful!
I had the best night last night with the most wonderful man on the planet.
He is sooo cool
I am sooo lucky
i think hes happy too
Had a nightmare which wasn't too nice gave me a fright and made me sweat
I hate to sweat.

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Tehehe [05 Oct 2004|01:09pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

Am I taking the piss????????????????

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real life [05 Oct 2004|12:51pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

what a whinger oh well.
i have a wonderfull boyfriend #@%%!#. im not sure if the fore-mentioned would like to be mentioned so for now i'll hold my peace. I love him intensley and have niggling suspicions that my love for him outweighs his love for me, but im happy and maybe in time his passion will grow? however he has sacrificed much for me- much more than than i have sacrificed for him. hes probably going to think im such a knob for starting this- hehehe- then again he may never know...
Now my love life is finally wonderfull its only understandable that another area would fall apart- i am having great difficulty finding a job- granted my expectations are high but i feel justified. Im getting old and feel that i should be on my path toward financial security. But im helpless and fear rejection (in both my private and professional lives).
But all in all i feel great today and cant wait for #@$$!# to get home to get myself some love...

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im intoxicated [04 Oct 2004|11:21pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

No love for me toniht cant expect too much i suppose... lucky i have good friends- or one good friend at least -INDEED-. so if at a lter date anyone might want to know me be warned im lonely..
but i have love lust hate and pasiion in my life-
im happy
but sad with my uselessness
oh well party time later in life
naughty 40s and all - gives me something to look foward to for the next 20 years
should stop me bitching for five minutes.
why am i angsting
I blame livejournal

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hmmm [04 Oct 2004|10:22pm]
[ mood | curious ]

well well well, this could be fun. i might even discover if someone loves me...

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